Dear Target,

Yesterday, I thought I was in love with you. I found a shit-load of big-girl Bermuda shorts on sale for $4.98 a pair. I bought two. One fit. And they don't look all that good, but they're long enough that I can wear shorts and my thighs don't rub together, so, we'll call it a wash.

Target, my friend, I am wondering why you don't bother making the cute clothes that you make (and they are adorable) in big-girl sizes. I mean, if the plus-size clothes I purchase are made by Mossimo, and the regular size clothes are made by Mossimo, would it really be that fucking difficult to just keep adding to the sizes of the cute clothes? I don't want to be too angry, as at least I can sometimes find cute plus-size attire on your clearance racks for VERY cheap, unlike Torrid (and don't get me started on Lane Bryant, God...). But, I just wonder what the trouble is in hooking a sister up with some cute things every now and again.

Also, Target, might I suggest that if you're not going to bother fusing the two Mossimo lines (or any of the "designers" that make both "regular" and "plus-size" clothing) that you at least expand the options for us bigger girls? I mean, let's look at it this way, if the AVERAGE size of the American woman is 14, wouldn't you assume that there were a bunch of us chubbies out here looking for some cute shit? Why would you want to exclude such a large (heh) portion of potential clientele? And quit putting spangles on shit. This actually goes for all designers of plus-size fashion. I think there's this assumption out there about fat people that we all have these big loud personalities to either match our big bodies, or to compensate for the fact that we aren't considered "attractive" according to mainstream media. Well, you're wrong. Some of us just fucking hate glitter and sequins and beads attached to our jeans and shirts and skirts and whatever the hell else you think we need to make sparkle, in fact, seeing as how most of us who buy plus-sized clothing are a bit on the large side, did you ever think that we wouldn't want sparkly, shiny things drawing MORE attention to our girth. Seriously.

Anyway, just a few suggestions that I think will help me from making me want to turn over the clothing racks and start the store on fire next time I try something on in your fine marketplace.

Kisses,

The Chubster

100 push-up challenge

I am a weak-tit. Seriously. When we moved a couple of weeks ago, my lack of strength led to me dropping a couch on myself. Yeah, it's a problem.

I was excited, you might imagine, to find the Hundred Push-up Challenge where apparently, if I follow the program, I will be able go go from doing very few (okay, zero) push-ups, to 100 in six weeks. I don't doubt the program, but I certainly doubt my abilities. We'll see what happens.

I have to start somewhere...

I am fat. No longer the plump or chubby girl I once was, I have entered the realm of fat. FUH-AA-TUH. I guess I should have realized this when my 5'4" frame started carrying over 200 lbs. of goo around with it (try 250 lbs. fat. JesuspizzaeatingChrist!). I know the fat acceptance blogs want me to love myself amidst the thickness, but I've got to be honest, I can't, and I don't want to. This isn't to say that I don't think people can love themselves when they or overweight, or that they shouldn't, in fact quite the opposite. I believe strongly in accepting and loving who you are, but I don't feel like me, and so loving this person isn't loving me anyway.

Years ago I used to run, a lot. It wouldn't be out of the question for me to run 8-10 miles 4 or more times a week. Now, I can't go for more than a minute and a half without hacking up a lung and having my heart burst through my chest, so I certainly don't fit into that "healthy and fat" category that supposedly exists (which I do believe it does, just not on me). I miss that. If I could run like this again, I would be happy, at any weight.

I hope that this blog can be a place to chronicle my weight loss and the changes it brings in my life. I also hope I use it to work through the struggles I know I will encounter in my attempts to drop some poundage.