I have to start somewhere...

I am fat. No longer the plump or chubby girl I once was, I have entered the realm of fat. FUH-AA-TUH. I guess I should have realized this when my 5'4" frame started carrying over 200 lbs. of goo around with it (try 250 lbs. fat. JesuspizzaeatingChrist!). I know the fat acceptance blogs want me to love myself amidst the thickness, but I've got to be honest, I can't, and I don't want to. This isn't to say that I don't think people can love themselves when they or overweight, or that they shouldn't, in fact quite the opposite. I believe strongly in accepting and loving who you are, but I don't feel like me, and so loving this person isn't loving me anyway.

Years ago I used to run, a lot. It wouldn't be out of the question for me to run 8-10 miles 4 or more times a week. Now, I can't go for more than a minute and a half without hacking up a lung and having my heart burst through my chest, so I certainly don't fit into that "healthy and fat" category that supposedly exists (which I do believe it does, just not on me). I miss that. If I could run like this again, I would be happy, at any weight.

I hope that this blog can be a place to chronicle my weight loss and the changes it brings in my life. I also hope I use it to work through the struggles I know I will encounter in my attempts to drop some poundage.